True Love Wins From Within
by Ethereal Forest
Summary: Into their fifth year Tamao and Nagisa struggle to deal with the explosive end to their fourth year. With Shizuma graduated and distant and a wedge driven between their friendship of old what will become of them?
1. A Hopeless Hope

**A Hopeless Hope**

**Tamao's POV – Penultimate Week of Summer Term - Fifth Year**

It's bright.

The bed is warm, as usual. I feel it trapping me here, as my eyes catch snatches of sky blue between pale pink waves of curtain. A late Spring has finally given way to Summer, although the temperature hasn't quite caught up yet. I wonder if the breeze will be as cold today as it has been the past few, causing lower school girls to hug their tops tightly and shiver every time a gust passes through.

Am unladylike yawn shakes my body and escapes my mouth. I'm glad that Nagisa has her own room opposite mine and so missed that; although she's also away this week in any event. I don't want to think about that; the fact she went away and where she went away. Bother. Every time I think of her _**(of them)**_ the piece of my heart that remains uncrushed starts crying. To crush all my heart would be inhuman but even this tiny amount is so painful. It's been hard to shield Nagisa in her pureness from my tainted bitterness; but the more I try to shield the more the distance grows between us. At times now it seems the only thing tying us together is our roles as President and Vice President; the fact we agreed to stand together an attempt to reconcile our friendship following that dreadful day at the Etoiles.

That remains a shadowy nightmare. Sometimes I wake grasping at the air for Nagisa's fading hand and with that voice calling my precious Nagisa away. Like now even the thought stings my eyes and casts a chill icier than any the wind can muster through me. But with time at least its effect has become more wraith like than the full on stabbing pain at the time that threatened to rip my heart asunder.

If she'd never have come I would never have known how exciting life could be, but I'd also never have realised how empty my life was without her. I rub the moisture and sleep from my eyes and kick back the white duvet. I can think later. A glance at the rectangular, white digital clock to my right tells me I need to move fast to be on time for my morning duties. Tardiness might as well be a sin at St Miators.

Whilst Nagisa's been away (_**with her)**_ the last couple of days I've assumed all the Presidential duties. At this point in term they are mainly functional, and given Nagisa's lack of organisation I've been doing most of them from behind the scenes anyway. Nagisa's strength is in her public displays and the affection she shows all students. She's the figurehead: Unspoilt, happy, innocent. I'm the unloved caretaker who ensures all ticks smoothly in the background. Well unloved is a little melodramatic. I have fans as well but to me, stupid and hopeless as it is, my heart is only willing to count the love of one person as worthy - as it has done from the beginning.

I tie mauve ribbons into my hair and neaten them out whilst looking into the pine framed mirror on my bedside table. I ought to hate her, but I can't because I know her too well. She allowed herself to be captivated by a stunning sight with a sob story. Any girl as innocent as her would have fallen too. That she was happy with her is bittersweet to me, I can't say truthfully that her happiness is my own. I believe in my heart I can make her happier. I believe my love is stronger. How can it not be compared to one who so selfishly took Nagisa's love for granted? Who chose such a hurtful time to re-confess? Who graduated a few weeks later and is now only seeing Nagisa for the third time in three months? Love is cruel. I like how I look and yet a wolf in angelic guise is another to steal the most precious of hearts. Well I'm no angel I suppose, but I'd like to think I'm no wolf either.

I check my uniform is on correctly, observe a renewed sparkling at the edges of my eyes and recheck the time.

Ah, this morning I'm thinking about it far too much. Why can't I let the crushed remnants of hope go? Probably because the prize is too great.

I throw a slightly damp tissue into the bin by my door, grasp the wooden doorknob and twist clockwise.

It's a new day but it might as well be any other. As I walk down the corridors with a light step and practiced smile, listening to the respectful murmurs of Tamao-oneesama from my juniors, I wonder whether I'm really alive anymore...because it feels like I'm simply existing on the hope of a miracle.

_For the first time in a long long while I've managed to write something! Apologies to those waiting on a new Women in Love or Friendly Jolt Chapter – I have finally started writing one for the former after discovering Girlfriends Volume 1 in English last Saturday XD But am still struggling for inspiration on taking it forward as well as generally time and energy._

_Whilst trying to work that out I also brought the first volume of Strawberry Panic and re-read it. It reminded me just how amazing a character Tamao is (and also how self-centred Shizuma is). It's my opinion that, based on her actions in the manga, Shizuma's infatuation for Nagisa is something fickle that will change again on her imminent graduation – and so I thought to write a fanfic that explores that route. The way Shizuma plays with Nagisa's feelings (in particular the timing of her second confession) annoys me a lot, so if you are a Shizuma fan this probably isn't the fanfic for you, albeit I don't expect her to have a huge presence in it. _

_As a side I also liked the idea of YayaxHikari, although not to the same extent as TamaoxNagisa, probably in part because at least Amane's love seems more genuine and Yaya has a decent and better suited partner in Tsubomi to fall back on. _


	2. A Foolish Fairytale

**A Foolish Faiytale**

**Same Day – 10am – Nagisa's Point of View**

Patchy sky overhangs the busy streets, seen through a dirty back seat window.

I don't want to think of anything right now but pain keeps ferrying back thoughts unbidden.

"_I love you...I can't be with you...I really love you...I'm sorry you're not the one for me..."_

I experienced heartbreak once and that was painful. How many people are foolish to allow themselves to be heartbroken twice in a row, _**by the same person!**_

The taxi moves on from the red light that halted it, but has since winked out. With me is my luggage, neatly and tightly packed into a medium sized light brown leather suitcase. I spent a lot on the tickets there and back. I'll be near broke this term. If only that were the only thing she owed me.

I lean my tousled head against the left window staring listlessly at the sky. I threw everything on her again when she appeared at the Etoile's. Such a brazen declaration. It caused my best friend and I turmoil, but at the time I mistook it for a true declaration of love and not another Shizuma whim. In truth I wonder whether she will ever heal from Kaori; the girl I saw her with yesterday had the same dark hair. That girl also wore a pair of both awed yet competitive eyes. I wonder if my own looked the same? Is that why Shizuma went with me?

I suppose the fact she never really took the time to ask about my background, what I dreamed of, who I am in any detail should have been a warning. Even her letters were about her and rarely sought any information of me; as though she expected the world and me to revolve around her. Like a fool I was still happy to do that thinking that that would be enough; but love doesn't work like that.

A part of me hates the fact I was duped again, yet if she returned a third time some part of me would tug to go back. I hate that too. I hate being that weak. Yet the fact I know my heart would deceive me so means this time I won't be deceived again. I can never go back. Shizuma keeps moving on her own path and so I too must slowly and steadily build my own.

Life was so simple before I came to St Miator's; clumsy trips and mistakes on homework were as complicated as life got. I slump and let my gaze drift back to the scudding pastel grey and dirty white clouds skirting the sky. The taxi continues to plough on towards the outskirts as my eyes slip shut into merciful sleep...

**I'm shaking with laughter. Blue hair prods my cheeks as fingers mercilessly tease my sides. **

"**Stop Tamao-Chan. Too much," I'm light and happy and her eyes, a beautiful violet sparkle merrily.**

**Slap! **

**A hand hits Tamao's cheek and her body spins away to nothing as **_**her**_** shadow leans over me. Wavy golden hair and a porcelain face that could sink a hundred thousand ships. I used to be enchanted. Now, although it still takes a second, I burrow under the blankets. **

"**Nagisa..." The voice calls, longing but far off and distant, sorrowful. It's pulling at me. I can't take it anymore! Can't take this happening again!**

"**Save me someone! Tamao come back! Help me!"**

I'm falling and from far off a strongly accented males voice punctuates the dark. The dark becomes light and I realise I'm still in the taxi, which is speeding out into the countryside.

"Are you all right miss?"

"Yes...?" Stupid dream; already I'm only grasping onto fragments. Tamao tickling, Shizuma haunting...

"Only seemed you were having a rough time. You kept calling for a Tamao-chan and started flailing a bit.

"Ahhh...no I'm fine. How far are we from the school?"

"Twenty minutes."

"Thanks." Feeling a prickling from my right eye I raise my right hand and wipe it, surprised to see a glistening stain on its slender back when I remove it from my eye. _How long will it take to heal this heart of mine?_

I settle down and look at the bright green fields, enhanced by the afternoon sun in the near all blue sky. Only clouds of pure white are frolicking. With some nostalgia I think back to when Tamao used to tease me, when being around her was a joy. I know why it stopped. I know I'm to blame. Even the offer of being President and Vice President would never atone for my abandonment of her at the Etoile's. How foolish an abandonment that seems now. Since then she's been largely lifeless, its awkward to talk for long.

The more I think of it the more bitter-sweet becomes my time with Shizuma, in that order. A broken heart and a poisoned friendship is what she left me with from my fourth year. I watch as a motorbike buzzes by like a bothered insect, shackled by its human rider with jet black, waist long hair flowing from a mousse pink helmet; as I do I wonder whether I can ever love again?

* * *

_As ever feedback, ideas and corrections are more than welcome; my memory of the end of the manga is a bit fuzzy and I haven't the motivation as of yet to endure the final Chapters again so if I'm off track let me know; a return to Tamao's POV next – Ethereal _


	3. Curiosity Causes Confusion

**Curiosity Causes Confusion **

**Tamao's POV**

Another boring meeting: The only excitement was the discussion about the School Play. There were a number of different ideas banded about and I added my own. I'm sure Nagisa mentioned she had a couple of ideas as well, so I volunteered to check her room to see if she'd left any notes. It's unlikely, but as she won't be back for a few more days it seemed too good a chance to investigate her room.

I should really be more focused on Council stuff but the thought of being in Nagisa's room is consuming my attention; for perfectly legitimate reasons of course: Oh ho. I suppose it is prying, but like so many 'sins' it's one which I believe is open to breaking when necessary. Nothing should be an absolute. Perhaps not even love, although my heart feels otherwise. Somehow with Nagisa away and that women long gone I can pretend to myself that things might play out differently. That we could go back to what we had all so briefly last year, before my precious Nagisa's heart was fully bewitched.

I cried more times last year than the rest of my years put together, and all over her.

The Council holds skeleton keys for all rooms in case of emergency and in Nagisa's absence I'm authorised to decide when their use is necessary. So holding the long brass key I continue to move gracefully down the quiet West Wing corridor, back towards our rooms; my shiny black, buckle strapped shoes clicking loudly with each step against the polished wooden floor.

I take a deep breath outside Nagisa's room, at the corridor end. This term I've barely set foot in here. Clenching the bronze key in my right hand I raise it to the door and slide it into the lock. The lock is old and takes some persuading to accept the spare key but soon gives way.

_My heart is beating so fast. Why? Well I suppose my motives aren't all that pure for entering even if the Council have sanctioned them so. Perhaps it's this sort of inherent wickedness I'm being punished for in being parted from one so pure? If so God certainly has an ironic sense of humour. But then the fact he made me with a personality so curious and mischievous means he has a lot to answer for...and I like that I have those traits in any event! So if this is punishment then he can go burn himself!_

Feeling calmer I twist the key three hundred and sixty degrees clockwise and turn the doorknob. The door silently slides inwards to reveal a large, bright and untidy room.

To the right is Nagisa's double poster bed. Cream curtains are drawn back and the duvet is folded but scarred by ridges of crumples and creases, giving the job a rushed look. _In truth she probably took a fair amount of time to fold it..._An image of Nagisa fighting to get the duvet into a shape approaching neatness fills my mind, safe to say there's a good amount of flailing. She's so cute I can't help but chuckle at the image.

Mt hands itch to fold it properly, as they do to organise the papers and books that appear to have gone on meandering walks of inspiration, followed by a late lunch and siesta amongst the crumb covered, oak panelled floor. The President and Vice-President traditionally had a maid. Heck, go back ten years and the whole school had maids. But recent times, even for a rich school like ours, has meant a cutback in staff. Nagisa ended the final maid service for her and I as it wasn't fair on the rest of the school (and I suspect Nagisa was not entirely comfortable having someone else clean her room either). A handful of those maids remain on in similar roles, but looking after the public areas of the school.

Still the result is that people like Nagisa (who should be setting an example!) have rooms that are staggeringly untidy. If my mum saw my room like this!? Perhaps I'm just OCD but it take me a lot of effort to get to her desk by the window opposite the door without re-arranging just one pile of books...or grabbing a dust pan and brush and attacking the floor. Of course last year I was free to tidy whenever I wanted to...

This is a mission of stealth though. On Nagisa's desk there are a number of scrawled notes, in her elegantly scruffy twirls, fanned out on the right hand side: A plain wooden tube containing the fountain and quill pens sits behind them, attached to a wooden inkwell covered by a bronze clipped wooden lid with oak patterned swirls.

I glance at the notes, they appear to be on work rather than ideas for the school play. On the left hand side of her desk sits a jar of light pink liquid containing five incense sticks. Drawing near and breathing in deeply with eyes closed I can make out the sweet smell of jasmine. I wonder briefly what Nagisa smells like now? A year ago when we slept side by side it was lavender, her warmth comforting and the smell soothing...now? Guh. I really might be some sort of pervert.

I glance at the right hand draw. Maybe the notes I'm looking for are in there? I grip the smooth wooden handle and pull it open. It slides open so smoothly I almost pull the entire draw out. _Steady. _There's a writing pad on top. I pull it out to look beneath and stop. I can see the faint imprint of writing from Nagisa's last letter and squinting hard I can see it starts '_Dear Shizuna,'_

I collapse into the cushioned wooden chair in front of the desk, gripping the note with both hands: Masochistically prepared to suffer for my minds relentless curiosity.

'_It's been over a month since I've heard from you. I hope you are well? As I haven't heard if it is okay to come see you I will be coming in a week's time. I miss you Shizuna. I hope to hear from you soon, because without you here and being able to hear from you it's hard. Your warmth...'_

I should not be doing this. Even I know that. And its not like I'm getting any pleasure from hearing Nagisa go on about Shizuna. Or that Nagisa's hurting. Are, I believe I'm crying: My throat and chest feel curiously tight. How are the edges of this hot?

**Steps! Her Steps! **

Is this a nightmarish trick of my mind? But no! They're close to the door and I in my oblivion have noticed far too late. I shove the notepad onto the desk then realise I should have put it in the draw, but no time. I kick the draw shut anyway, in a most unladylike manner, as a key rattles uselessly in the door and then the door itself swings open.

* * *

_Thanks for the reviews :D It's not often I get to end off on such a cliffhanger, how will Nagisa - if it is Nagisa - react?_


	4. Turbulance

**Turbulance**

I stick the key in the lock and twist, but it doesn't respond. I try again and this time it turns and sticks. At the same time I hear a thud inside the room and tense. A burglar? No wait, Tamao has a spare key. I twist the handle and open the door, still wary...

...And breathe a little easier when I see Tamao at my desk. Relief morphs to surprise:

"Tamao! Why are you here?"

Her face is smiling but I know her well enough to notice the guilty glint in her eyes and my own narrow in turn. Before I can press further she turns the question round.

"Ah Nagisa-chan, what brings you back so soon?"

I gulp and let my bags drop to the floor. Damn it! She throws me off balance so easily; I don't know if I mean Shizuma or Tamao by that any more. I smile to hide the pain,

"Ah well Shizuma was busy so I was only able to stay a short while." Tamao has risen from her seat and her frown indicates she's not buying the lie. Wanting to move things away from me as quickly as possible I return to my own question, recalling Tamao never provided an answer.

"So anyway why are you here? Is it something urgent?"

Tamao answers with a pretty poker-faced smile and I can't tell whether she's being honest.

"I was just looking to see if you had noted any ideas for the School Festival. I remembered you said you had some ideas and we were trying to decide on a play so I stopped by. Do you know where you put them?

It's true I did mention I had some ideas, did I write them down? I think I scribbled them down somewhere, but I'm so tired and my bags as well as my eyelids feel heavy. I give a weak smile and nod.

"Can it wait till tomorrow? I know I've probably noted it somewhere but I'm a bit jet lagged." A nervous giggle escapes my mouth and Tamao is all concern.

"Ah yes, of course Nagisa-san. I'm sorry I didn't notice, you must have had a long nigh..." Tamao's eyes glance away and a slight grimace crosses her face. "Shall I drop by this evening when you've had a chance to recover?" She rallies well. I hate that I hurt her without even trying. I hate that there is distance now when there was once so little. I hate how now it feels like we're both lying to each other in such a civilised manner. I smile and nod.

"That would be nice." With that Tamao is around me and gone in a primrose stream, a faint trace of lavender hanging about me for a few seconds before being dispersed by the thud of the door shutting into place.

I swing my bags to rest at the foot of the bed. I need some rest. Napping in a taxi really did not help all that much and seeing Tamao in my room has...bothered me? Drained me? Left me excited? I don't know...But first, the sound of my draw slamming shut and the look on her face when I entered. That was still definitely suspicious. Was she looking just for a play script? I open the draw and the top item is a blank writing pad. It's out of place, I think, but for a short while I stare at its blankness and that mirrors my own. I'm about to look beneath it, as it's probably just a cover, when I realise why Tamao looked so guilty and what the pad means. I can see the faint indentations and scanning a few words tells me which letter is visible on the pad.

I shut the draw, kick off my shoes and then remember my door is unlocked. Crossing the room swiftly I lock it and then cross back to my bed. I can't think straight. No, right now I don't want to think straight because nothing is straightforward. I don't know who to talk to anymore...about anything. Maybe my mum but she's often out. I just need to sleep. To rest. To let these burning eyes of mine cool down. I collapse onto my soft bed and my mind is mercifully quick to tune out and let me dream.

Evening sunlight fills my wooden room, mellowing it gold. I blink and glance drousily up at the ceiling, tracing the lines running through the wood with my eyes. Wood that shelters me, wood that traps me here. Memories of sunlight, of greenery, of the sea and long silver hair sparkling. Of her, and suddenly hot tears well up in my eyes and the hair melts away in a blur. Why did I wake?

**Knock. Knock.**

"Nagisa-chan?" It's Tamao. I don't know whether I want to see her. The unfamiliar feel of anger bubbles beneath but who else can I see. And leaving her outside will hurt us both more than confronting her.

"Come in," I say in a voice that I barely recognise, drained of it's usual warmth. What happened to the happiness I once had?

The door rattles and I remember I locked it.

"Hold on," I call out in a stronger voice as I swing off the cotton sheets. I grab the key and walk over to the door, nervousness making me grip the key more tightly. _Am I going to lose another friend? Or had I already lost her? _


End file.
